WedLog

So, I never wrote a post about marriage prep.  As of last month some time, Jeff and I are officially prepared for marriage. Yes, we took our marriage preparation course with the Brooklyn diocese last month and we passed! (Actually, you just have to show up - no one passes or fails). And we actually really enjoyed the weekend.

It was led a charming couple, Ernie and Gabby, who have been married for 58 years. They’re both in their 80s and they have had a quite a life together. They met at a restaurant in Brooklyn not long after Ernie returned from the war (he was a marine). Ernie says he walked in with his buddies and she was at a table with her girlfriends and he looked at her and said to his friends, “I’m going to marry that girl.” So he and his buddies invited the girls to a dance and the rest is history … or, well, the rest was the basis for the class they taught on how to be married, I guess. They were funny and youthful and full of spirit. They were open and honest and talked about how the first 10 years of their marriage was really hard. They didn’t communicate well and they didn’t understand each others’ needs. But they went on a marriage encounter weekend and it turned their lives around. Now they teach this class to help other couples deal with marital issues before they spend 10 years in a bad marriage.

On Friday night we had a wonderful priest lead a prayer service and give a great talk about marriage. His name was Father Perry and he’s the pastor at a parish in Ditmas Park. We’re thinking about riding our bikes there when the weather gets nicer to pay him a visit. He was insightful and progressive and reminded me of my two favorite priests - Fr. Bob Hoffman (who was the pastor at the church I grew up in) and Msgr. Stewart Swetland (who was the pastor at the church at my college). He read 1 Corinthians (”love is patient, love is kind …”) and suggested that if we use that reading at our weddings, to have an old couple read it. He said when a couple who have been married for many years reads that passage, it takes on a completely new meaning. Love is something deeper and more beautiful when it’s been aged for years. He talked about a man whose wife of many years had been sick for quite some time. Their son took him to a ball game one day to get him out of the house. After the game the son suggested going out to dinner, but the man insisted he go back home to have dinner with his wife. When the son said, “Dad, you don’t have to - someone’s there to care for her, let’s go out and take your mind off of it and enjoy some time to ourselves for a few hours,” the man responded that it wasn’t that he felt obligated to go home, it was that he wanted to go home. He wanted to have dinner with his wife. He wanted to sit next to her bed and eat his TV dinner next to her, even though she was barely responsive. He wanted her company because he loved her. He changed her colostomy bag because he wanted to care for her, because he wanted to be with her, because he loved her. And then the priest made a joke about how you don’t hear love poems and love songs very often about changing colostomy bags - but that that is what love is. That is what marriage is.

We both thoroughly enjoyed marriage prep, actually.  And I totally think it’s the kind of thing that should be required for everyone who gets married.  Because we actually heard someone tell their fiance that they had a step sister who lived in Connecticut.  They didn’t know that already, and they’re planning to get married.  And another couple we overheard discussing whether or not they’re religious.  As in, “Do you go to church?”  Um … Do you go to church?  Isn’t that like 2nd date type material?  Yikes.

So, to sum up, we’re very happy to be getting married in a place that requires not just wedding day preparation, but real marriage preparation, too.  Because when the day is done we have a lifetime of marriage awaiting.  And you can’t hire a wedding coordinator to take care of the sticky details for the rest of your life …