WedLog

So I completely abandoned this blog.  Oh well.  I think it mostly accomplished its humble purpose of keeping my family involved in the planning and documenting some of the major events.  But, I’m back for one last post.  I was dying for some examples when we were putting together the play lists so I’m posting ours here on the off chance that someone happens upon it who’s scrambling to put theirs together and looking for inspiration.  I don’t intend for anyone to copy it song-for-song, but it’s an example of what works.

Cocktail Hour

We were going for a fun, upbeat, sort of jazzy, sophisticated but approachable mood for the cocktail hour.

Dinner

We really wanted to play Iron & Wine’s album, The Shepherds Dog, on repeat.  But for the sake of variety we mixed it up a little with a hint of ’90s retro and some other laid back favorites.

*number 37 is breakfast at tiffany’s by deep blue something

Dancing

This was the trickiest for me - we’re not big dancers and we know nothing about current pop music.  We started off with stuff the older folks would like and moved into younger stuff.  We figured it was best to mostly stick with stuff people know.  Whatever we did, it worked - people danced!  I don’t remember how far we got into the play list before the night ended - we purposefully had way more music that needed (much better than not having enough).

*number 21 is coconut by harry nilsson

Hope that helps someone out there!

Yes, I stole the Title from East Side Bride.

She’s hilarious and blunt and I love her.  I, however, am not really all that outraged that someone posted a photo shoot in a “real weddings” section on a blog.  Because, seriously, have you seen the other “real weddings” in the blogosphere?  Come on!  So maybe they aren’t technically photo shoots for magazines and stuff, but seriously.  “Real weddings” that get featured on most blogs are basically indistinguishable from photo shoots.  Case(s) in point - the pictures below from Style Me Pretty and Southern Weddings Magazine.

Sure, I admit that I like to peruse the posts for elements I might incorporate into my wedding, but let’s be blunt.  If it looks like a photo shoot, and feels like a photo shoot, and was staged, lit, shot, and edited by a professional photographer then how is it not a photo shoot?  Seems to me that it was a photo shoot of your wedding.  Except that you styled it instead of the photographer.

I fully intend for my wedding not to be a photo shoot.  Other things to keep in mind:

Your wedding is not a state dinner

Your wedding is not a debutante ball

Your wedding does not involve royalty

Your wedding is not a gallery exhibit of all of your unique talents and interests

Your wedding does not exist for the sole purpose of impressing your friends

Your wedding is not a transaction of woman from father to husband*

*hopefully

So, two more dreams. The first (from before the mini-crisis*) was very calm. I again didn’t have anything ready for the wedding – no programs, no shoes, hadn’t done a dress fitting so the dress was a foot too long and too big on top, no flowers, hadn’t finalized the ceremony with the priest, etc. etc. But in that dream I didn’t stress out at all. And in fact my mom showed up at the last minute with a beautiful headband for me to wear (to distract from the dress that didn’t fit) and an awesome pair of shoes. And my attitude during the whole dream was very calm and not worried.

Contrast that with the dream I had last night (post mini-crisis*): I hadn’t finalized the details of the reception with the new restaurant so I was just hoping that they’d be ready when we got there and that there wouldn’t be other people there eating dinner. Again, I had no programs, we hadn’t done a rehearsal and I wasn’t confident that the priest was going to show up. I distinctly remember crying through the whole dream. It felt incredibly realistic in the way that only terrible nightmares feel. I was devastated. And, strangely, the part that I was most devastated about was that I hadn’t gotten to do seating arrangements. Figuring out seating arrangements, unlike for most couples, is probably the thing that I am MOST looking forward to with the whole wedding. So when I realized that I’d forgotten to do them in this dream I was crushed. Oh man it was terrible. I woke up with one of those corny Hollywood gasps and I almost started to cry in bed from the trauma. Clearly, I don’t do well when things aren’t nailed down and decided.

Time to set up that last meeting with the priest, sign a new contract for the reception, meet with Allison to revise the flowers, get the dress fitted (appointment on Sunday), arrange transportation, fix the invitations, design the programs, make the Ketubah, get a day-of timeline nailed down and then make hair appointments (which I wish was done already but the mini-crisis has created an unknown for day-of timing).

*mini-crisis … more to come later but suffice it to say we have to change our reception venue, which is not an easy task in New York (wedding-season-saturated) with only 3 months. But we have options that we’re happy with so things look good.

In addition to shopping, we also had a little party in the park last weekend.  We decided to do one big no-gifts pre-wedding party in lieu of all the other pro-gift extravaganzas that typically precede weddings.  It’s a recession, yo.  People don’t want to buy us presents.  And we don’t want to buy them fancy finger foods and what-not.  So we brought a grill, some wine and beer, and hot dogs.  And we told our friends to bring some grub and we had a great time!  I nearly hit my dad in the head with a wiffle ball (on purpose), Jeff took a walk with his little buddy, Jonah, along the water’s edge, and our friends met our family and each other and it was lovely.  And also Seth took some pictures!  (He’s also going to take some pictures on the big day).

I think that waiting until the morning of the wedding to pick out my flowers is going to kill me a little bit, as I like to have things planned and detailed with plenty of time to spare.  But it’s worth it because it would be worse to try to deal with a florist and the hastle and the coordination.  I really love the very simple use of flowers here (via APW).  And I really love the look of this first picture.  Everyone looks happy and not overly matchy, but nicely coordinated.  And I love the single flowers that the ladies have and the simple use of one type of flowers for a very natural, modern looking bridal bouqet.

We’re thinking about alternative things to carry down the aisle.  We’ll both be walking arm-in-arm with both of our parents so I don’t want to carry anything too cumbersome.  But we’re thinking about each carrying half of the ketubah with us and maybe a single flower or a few of the same flower.  Which reminds me - we should start thinking about what we want the Ketubah to look like and who’s going to design/draw/print it … oh, and what it’s going to say …

Also, we finalized the order of the ceremony (with a little help from my mom).  Thankfully mom thought to consider the flow in terms of standing, sitting, and transitioning from one thing to the next.  She’s good to have around for things like that.  And for other general motherly wisdom.

On another note, my dad bought a new suit.  That he may or may not keep for reasons I’m not entirely sure of.  But before he did, he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be dressed too similarly to the groom.  Jeff is wearing a somewhat unique suit with some novel attributes (subtle, don’t worry).  Anyway, I laughed at the idea that my dad might wind up in something similar - he didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would wear a daring suit of any kind.  Then I found this picture and I laughed.  Aren’t they a handsome couple?  This was taken right around the time when they got married.

Oh, and that’s a 1977 Toyota Celica in case you were wondering.  It sparked a fun conversation at work this morning when I passed this picture around.  I’d kill to have that dress my mom is wearing.

So, the WIC.  WIC = Wedding Industrial Complex.  Click here for details.  It’s the embodiment of evil … at least for me.  tonight.  Meg has written a bit about it.  And when I read what she has to say I’m all geared up for some sort of bridal revolution about individuality, sanity, personality, practicality, and - dare I say - unity in weddings.  I thought I could fight away the WIC all on my own.  Turns out, when they’ve got your family and friends you’re pretty well done for.  That’s how they suck you in - it’s not always just about luring you with visions of matching dresses, big white cakes, and ice sculptures.  If that’s it all it was, this would be easy.  I can so no to an ice sculpture without even batting my big wedding-haze-bride-eyes.  No, the WIC is more intricate and clever than that.  Because it’s not enough that I realize the uselessness of the ice sculpture.  I have to get everyone else to realize it, too.  That, or I have to decide to be okay with their disappointed, pitiful, expectant, WIC-seduced faces.  So far my wedding is mostly private.  It’s just me and him and DIY bliss.  But every once-in-a-while someone asks some innocuous question that implies that I must be under your typical, wedding-induced, unbearable stress.  (You know, because I’m the bride and this is a wedding a.k.a a big ass white bride fest with pages of lists of things that have to match)  And then I get all excited to tell them about how I’ve discovered that weddings don’t have to be awful!  They can be personal and simple and reflect us (both of us - yes, spoiler, the groom can be involved!) and they don’t have to have ice sculptures (or thousand-dollar-cakes, or seven ladies in matching dresses, or bridal showers, or diamonds, or welcome baskets, or veils, or anything that doesn’t reflect who we are instead of what’s expected).  And then comes the confusion.  Because I am excited about my wedding.  But I’m not having a big white cake.  Or a melt down.  Except when I have to explain that I’m not having a big white cake - sometimes that induces a melt down.  “So you seem pretty hands-off about this whole wedding thing” they say.  And I correct them and tell them that I’m very excited and interested and so is my fiance.  It’s not “hands-off” because I’m not insisting on a particular color of toenail polish for the toes that peep through the matching shoes that the bridesmaids are forced to buy.

Here’s the deal - ya know how sorority girls fit into two categories?  There are the slutty, drunk ones that you can pick up at the sleezy bars or there are prissy, bookish ones who vote for conservatives and make nice trophy wives.  Brides are like that, too.  There are the crazy ones with glazed-over wedding eyes who can never have enough tulle and there are anti-brides who get married but don’t care much about the details.  The thing is, there are also sorority members who are smart and funny, liberal, well-read, witty, and cool and neither sleezy nor prim and drenched in pearls.  I was one of ‘em.  For a little while, at least.  There are also brides who are engaged in planning their weddings, which are celebrations of the couple - not just the bride - and unique and interesting, not exactly the same as every other tulle drenched, cookie-cutter, overpriced wedding.  And I’m one of ‘em.

And that would be all well and good.  Except weddings aren’t just about the couple - they’re about everyone else who’s important to the couple.  And all those people?  They’re WIC victims.  So how do you balance your vision of a practical, personal, unique, and simple wedding with the demands of the WIC that are alive and well in your friends and family?  How do you respond to “you really aren’t going to regret not having a diamond?” or “you’re not a bride without a veil” or “shouldn’t the bridesmaids at least have to wear the same fabric?” or “don’t forget that this is your one day to be a princess” or “what are you doing for welcome baskets?” ???  I don’t have the patience to be nice and diplomatic all the time.  My simple, honest, practical wedding is driving me crazy.  Because I’m not the kind of person who smiles and explains my beautiful vision calmly.  Instead, I roll my eyes.  A lot.  And yell at people I love when they just don’t get it.  Because they’ve become the manifestation of the WIC in my mind.  I just need to remind myself that it’s not their fault.  And learn to live with the fact that having a wedding that reflects who we are is not always what anyone else expects or considers “normal.”  And, gasp, they might not like it.  But I do.  And he does.  And here’s hoping that’s all that matters.  Because my guests aren’t getting a piece of a $2,000 cake.  Or an ice sculpture.

We already bought a few yards of some kitsch-vintage-wallpaper-esque fabric to use as a backdrop for funky portraits at the wedding, but now I will have to hunt down an ornate vintage frame or two so we can achieve this awesomeness:

via swissmiss

From Snippet & Ink.

Our Save the Dates were featured on Brooklyn Bride today!  Click the picture to see her post

I thought it was just me.  With the wedding nightmares.  But my sister’s been having them to:

I don’t remember all the details, or even the general story, but a few events stuck out.
First - I was really really late to this event that seemed to be your wedding but also we were shopping for my dress the day before the wedding … and there were about 50 people in your apartment, but it wasn’t your apartment because it had a giant basement, but they were all waiting for me. We were having a tea party.  Anyway, I showed up really late and I had forgotten to shower but it was too late so I had to wear my greasy hair in a pony tail for your wedding. I was also in sweatpants. On the way there, I got lost in the streets of New York but came across a group of sick, starving children from Africa. I thought it would help if I donated my cell phone to them, without being asked, so then I was without a cell phone and lost. Apparently I eventually figured out how to get there. Then my alarm went off so I never found out people’s response to my appearance, or your reaction.

And mine was frighteningly similar.  I dreamed that I forgot to check on the status of my dress … ever.  So for all I knew it may not have even come in to the store in Illinois, let alone been shipped to New York.  Not to mention dress fittings.  And I had forgotten to make programs.  Or buy shoes.  So my mom and I went to go find a new dress at 3pm (the dream wedding was going to take place at 5pm).  I was much more stressed out about programs in the dream, so I was trying to make them while people put dresses on me.  I also hadn’t showered and was trying to figure out something to do with my greasy, ratty hair.  I distinctly remember everyone else being much more concerned about this than I was.  They were yelling at me.  And they weren’t real people who I knew - just random wedding attendants.  And I was like, “Whatever, I just need to make the programs so everyone knows what’s going on at the wedding.”

No need for a psychiatrist.  I guess we’re both worried about getting everything done on time.  And I’m apparently worried that people won’t get what my wedding is all about.  Hence the frantic program-making.  It’s strange, though - I don’t feel at all worried in the light of day.  Nonetheless, I think it’s time to go over my timeline again.  Which is fine with me.  Because I LOVE LISTS!  At least lists that I make myself and that don’t come from some glossy magazine including ridiculous items like Meg’s does:

Brides: Choose your bridesmaids’ accessories (shoes, gloves, etc.) and either purchase or pass along purchasing information.

Brides: Experiment with your beauty routine, self-tanners, and facials.

But the best part is her commentary:

And just wait till next month. The three month list will require me to quit my job, get some heavy duty anxiety meds, and hire a wedding planner. It should be good times.

And one of the commenters added from her list:

Sit for your bridal portrait, if you decide to get one.

Yikes!  Bridal portrait?  No. Thank. You.  I’m already having nightmares about getting a dress, shoes, and programs.  I soooo don’t need a bridal portrait.  But I do still need to come up with the wording for our invitations.  That’s this weekend.

And maybe I should call that store in Illinois and check on the dress …