WedLog

So I completely abandoned this blog.  Oh well.  I think it mostly accomplished its humble purpose of keeping my family involved in the planning and documenting some of the major events.  But, I’m back for one last post.  I was dying for some examples when we were putting together the play lists so I’m posting ours here on the off chance that someone happens upon it who’s scrambling to put theirs together and looking for inspiration.  I don’t intend for anyone to copy it song-for-song, but it’s an example of what works.

Cocktail Hour

We were going for a fun, upbeat, sort of jazzy, sophisticated but approachable mood for the cocktail hour.

Dinner

We really wanted to play Iron & Wine’s album, The Shepherds Dog, on repeat.  But for the sake of variety we mixed it up a little with a hint of ’90s retro and some other laid back favorites.

*number 37 is breakfast at tiffany’s by deep blue something

Dancing

This was the trickiest for me - we’re not big dancers and we know nothing about current pop music.  We started off with stuff the older folks would like and moved into younger stuff.  We figured it was best to mostly stick with stuff people know.  Whatever we did, it worked - people danced!  I don’t remember how far we got into the play list before the night ended - we purposefully had way more music that needed (much better than not having enough).

*number 21 is coconut by harry nilsson

Hope that helps someone out there!

Now that we have a new plan in place, I’m ready to discuss the mini crisis. Basically, things at Scottadito fell apart. It’s my impression that they have terrible management problems. Since we’ve been in touch with them (about 8 months or so) they have gone through 4 different events managers. Between all the hirings and firings (or quittings; we don’t know the stories) they not-surprisingly lost the latest copy of our contract. And then at the 11^th hour (after a tasting) the owner told us they had changed their policy and won’t be closing the restaurant for private events. If we could cut our guest list in half and use their back room (with no room for dancing) then he’d be willing to work with us. Um, no. Not possible.

Can’t we sue them, you ask? Didn’t we have a signed contract and hadn’t we put a deposit down? Well, not exactly. Which, in retrospect, is weird but it didn’t seem like a problem at the time. We had been told by the first two events managers that the contract was in the books and that we should sign it and put down our deposit as soon as we did a tasting, because we shouldn’t finalize it until we’d decided on a menu. And because their menus change seasonally we shouldn’t really do a tasting until closer to the event. That seemed reasonable. So in late June we set up a tasting. When we got there the events manager we had met with before (who was not the first one we’d met with) had been replaced (again) and the new events manager was being replaced the following week (RED FLAGS). So we were more than a little nervous. Then the owner came in, but didn’t say anything to us – not even a quick hello and introduction. He did a lot of conversing the events manager that we could see out of the corner of our eyes and it all felt very fishy. Then the events manager told us to email our final menu choices and our version of the contract (which was slightly but not substantively different than the version she had on file) to the owner because he’d be handling it during the transition to the newer new events manager. We did as such and he responded (more than a week later) with the following:

Hi Cara
We have changed our policy and will not be closing our restaurant for events.
Our new policy is events up to 65 guests only
If that works for you we should sit down next Wednesday evening ,July 8 th,
and finalize you event
Donald

Our guest list, based on what THEY told us they could accommodate, is 130. So, yeah, 65 won’t work. I replied as follows:

Donald,

This is incredibly disappointing and disconcerting.  We need to speak
in person about this.  Please either give me a call at [phone number] or
let me know when I can contact you or stop by to discuss this.

Cara Winter

And he responded that he’d be in the office after the July 4^th holiday weekend and would get in touch me then. He has yet to get in touch with me. Today is July 17^th. I have decided not to deal with this guy because I cannot trust him and this is a slightly important event, ya know? So instead of hounding him like crazy and going mad trying to deal with someone who is clearly not interested in working with me, I’ve focused my energies elsewhere. I quickly secured a new restaurant* that can either host in-house or cater off-site. (We decided to host at the restaurant since locations in NY are either booked, super expensive or not to our liking). This is a restaurant in our neighborhood that we dine at often. I’ve met the owner before and she actually owns a flower shop/bar (very cool place) as well and I’m already working with her for wedding flowers, so we’ve established a relationship and I trust her. We couldn’t be more excited. We have plans to sign the new contract and put down a deposit this week. The only logistical hiccup is that this place is further away from the church, so walking from the ceremony to the reception is no longer a possibility. Thus, we have to figure out transportation for our guests. We have some options and we’re figuring out details and I think it’s all going to come together nicely.

So, mini crisis averted … er, mitigated.

Now we’re in the home stretch … less than 3 months to go, LOTS to do. Inevitable wedding craziness on the horizon. Invitations are being re-worked, ceremony details are being nailed down, transportation issues are being handled, wardrobe decisions are being made, and the marriage is getting closer and closer and closer … *happiness*

In other news, my dad is in town this weekend! So he’ll get to see the new restaurant and we’ll get to spend the day together on Sunday, which is always fun and something to look forward to.

*The new restaurant is The Farm on Adderley.  I’ll post more about it later, it’s a lovely little spot in Kensington/Ditmas Park that we adore.

So, two more dreams. The first (from before the mini-crisis*) was very calm. I again didn’t have anything ready for the wedding – no programs, no shoes, hadn’t done a dress fitting so the dress was a foot too long and too big on top, no flowers, hadn’t finalized the ceremony with the priest, etc. etc. But in that dream I didn’t stress out at all. And in fact my mom showed up at the last minute with a beautiful headband for me to wear (to distract from the dress that didn’t fit) and an awesome pair of shoes. And my attitude during the whole dream was very calm and not worried.

Contrast that with the dream I had last night (post mini-crisis*): I hadn’t finalized the details of the reception with the new restaurant so I was just hoping that they’d be ready when we got there and that there wouldn’t be other people there eating dinner. Again, I had no programs, we hadn’t done a rehearsal and I wasn’t confident that the priest was going to show up. I distinctly remember crying through the whole dream. It felt incredibly realistic in the way that only terrible nightmares feel. I was devastated. And, strangely, the part that I was most devastated about was that I hadn’t gotten to do seating arrangements. Figuring out seating arrangements, unlike for most couples, is probably the thing that I am MOST looking forward to with the whole wedding. So when I realized that I’d forgotten to do them in this dream I was crushed. Oh man it was terrible. I woke up with one of those corny Hollywood gasps and I almost started to cry in bed from the trauma. Clearly, I don’t do well when things aren’t nailed down and decided.

Time to set up that last meeting with the priest, sign a new contract for the reception, meet with Allison to revise the flowers, get the dress fitted (appointment on Sunday), arrange transportation, fix the invitations, design the programs, make the Ketubah, get a day-of timeline nailed down and then make hair appointments (which I wish was done already but the mini-crisis has created an unknown for day-of timing).

*mini-crisis … more to come later but suffice it to say we have to change our reception venue, which is not an easy task in New York (wedding-season-saturated) with only 3 months. But we have options that we’re happy with so things look good.

We already bought a few yards of some kitsch-vintage-wallpaper-esque fabric to use as a backdrop for funky portraits at the wedding, but now I will have to hunt down an ornate vintage frame or two so we can achieve this awesomeness:

via swissmiss

Alright. So, we’re 7 months out from wedded bliss and I think we’re ready to bring the mainly-inspiration phase of the planning to a close. Let the planning and decision-making begin! Here are a few planning-related things on our plate this week/month …

We took a rather big leap last night while in the flowers aisle at Whole Foods last night – we decided not to have “wedding colors” in a traditional, specific sort of way. We know what we want the wedding to feel like – a modern twist on rustic charm – and it’s going to be October, so fall colors will abound. Other than that we’re ready to free-style it. As you (may or may not) know, we aren’t hiring a florist. The restaurant is providing simple flowers on the tables and I plan to head to the farmer’s market the morning of to pick up some fresh flowers for us ladies to carry around with us. So we decided not to have a specific color in mind, but to get whatever strikes our fancy that morning. We’re asking the Best Sisters to wear brown, as brown is a nice basic fall color and everything else will flow from there. Jeff will probably wear some sort of green tie, or green and brown, or maybe a little orangey/yellow with green – we’ll see. I think it will all come together and we will easily avoid the matchy-matchy look, which isn’t really our style.

We hired some musicians! A string trio to be exact. We’re pretty excited about them and now all we have to do is decide what songs they need to play. I have some ideas for soloists but I haven’t nailed anything down, yet … it’s on my to-do list.

We need to schedule our marriage prep program. We have some options, one of which is a weekend retreat upstate. That’s what we’re leaning toward … I should email them. Other than that we’re all set with the Church – we just need to figure out the order of things for the ceremony. It’s going to be a mix of traditions. So far, this is what we have come up with:

*Processional – Jeff, me, and our families get to the altar one way or another.

*Greeting/Opening Prayer – by Father Murphy (hopefully with some kind of introduction to this multi-religious event)

*Old Testament/Torah Reading – by someone in Jeff’s family who can read Hebrew and English, as we want this read in both languages

*Secular Poem/Reading – (if permissible, we have to double-check) by one or two of our non-religious friends (Ben, Nick, Emily, Sarah, someone like that …)

*Psalm – sung by the above mentioned soloist

*New Testament Reading – by a friend/family member from Cara’s side (to be determined) … we found a reading about charity and good works that we both liked

*Gospel Reading – by Father Murphy … we found a good reading about building on a solid foundation that we both liked

*Prayers of the Faithful – by someone in Jeff’s family who can recite a Jewish blessing before the prayers, which are usually general intercessions and will include prayers for deceased family members

*Sign of Peace – not usually part of a non-Mass but one of my favorite things, it’s just a brief moment of shaking hands and/or embracing those nearby to extend peace to them

*Lord’s Prayer – maybe/maybe not … haven’t decided

*Wedding Vows

*Signing of Ketubah – this is a Jewish marriage contract, it’s basically signing your vows and it’s usually pretty and something we can frame and hang in our home. We plan to make it ourselves/with the help of Kelli

*Blessing of Rings

*Stomp on a Glass – Jewish tradition symbolizing that even at joyous times we must remember the destruction of the Temple (i.e. we can celebrate and be joyous but we should still be mindful of the fact that there is suffering in our midst)

*Recessional – we leave the church and begin our marriage with a party!

So we need music/songs for the processional, psalm, sign of peace, Ketubah (maybe), and recessional. Any suggestions??

Also, should we have a hupah? If so who can make it? I’m thinking something simple – 4 natural looking (read: sticks/branches/etc) poles and very simple/sheer fabric. Hmmm…?

Okay, and most exciting thing right now is our Save The Dates. They’re in the process of being made and they’re awesome! Here’s a sneak peak …